When Mama Bear Attacks

OK, so I shouldn't really say "attack," more like "just deals with the situation," but attack was catchier. A couple Fridays ago, Lydia got off the bus and as soon as she saw me, she burst into tears. She told me the boy who lives across the street was teasing and bullying her on the bus. He and another boy would sing, "Lydia has a boyfriend! Lydia has a boyfriend!" and taunt her. She said she plugged her ears really hard but she could still hear it. I asked her if she sits next to him, and she told me she does. I asked her if she has told anybody and she said she hadn't.

As a teacher, I get annoyed when parents fight their kids' battles, especially at the high school level. I know Lydia is only five, but I didn't want to step in quite yet. So, I told her that on Monday I don't want her sitting next to him on the bus and I wanted her to tell the bus driver and her teacher what was going on. On Monday she got off the bus and was upset again. She said he still teased her, even though she didn't sit by him and she told the bus driver and her teacher. I convinced her to give it one more day and explained that maybe they didn't have a chance to talk to him yet.

I did get advice from others on what to do. Teaching her to kick him in the balls was not an option for me. I'm a pretty hardcore pacifist. One of my students suggested that I teach her to respond to his "Lydia has a boyfriend" taunts with "Yeah, your dad!" (ala a "your mom" joke), which I found funny, but didn't really think it would be effective. I did, however, instruct her to tell him that if he doesn't stop, her mom is going to talk to his mom and her mom is the meanest mom around. "Buy you're not, you're nice! She argued," and I assured her that I could be very, very mean.

Then Tuesday came and she once again got off the bus upset. So, we dropped off her backpack, Jayson gave me a look like, "You're really doing this? This is really happnening?" and Lydia and I marched across the street. Lydia skipped happily and I internalized all my nervousness about just how terribly wrong this could go. We rang the doorbell and waited. When the boy's mom came to the door, I tried to slowly blurt out, "Hi, I live across the street and Lydia rides the bus with your son and she said he's been teasing her on the bus and she's been coming home crying and very upset. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but thought it might be something we could resolve." She immediately called her son to the door and as soon as he saw Lydia and me and realized that the meanest mom around was talking to his mom, his lip quivered and he held back tears. His mom told him what he was doing was completely unacceptable and made him apologize. Lydia responded, "That's OK." I thanked her for understanding and Lydia and I happily walked back home.

She hasn't had any more problems with the boy across the street.

Mean Girls... and So it Begins

Last year, for K4, Lydia picked out a Disney princess backpack. I wasn't too excited about it. I tried to steer her towards Toy Story or Dora, but she insisted on princesses, and if that's what she wanted, fine with me. Of course, being a backpack that cost less than $10, it was looking pretty ragged by the end of the year.

This year, we looked online for one, and my aim was to spend a little more money on a decent backpack that would last several years. Maybe even get her name embroidered on it. As we searched online, though, we came across a Phineas and Ferb backpack that came with a matching lunch box. OMG! She was smitten. Had it been another princess backpack, I would have shot her down, but I admit, I loved the fact that she was drawn to a "boy" backpack and not another Disney princess one. Today, Phineas and Ferb. Tomorrow? Social advocate! Awww... my little feminist. We found a Perry the Platypus water bottle to go with it, and completed our order.

When her backpack came, it was a pretty big deal. She immediately ran to get her school supplies to put in it. We opened the box with the water bottle and discovered they accidentally sent us three! Christmas in August! I quickly claimed one as my own to bring to school. (Scroll down to the previous post to see her wearing the backpack).

Then, it happened. Lydia told me girls at school were bullying her because she didn't have a princess backpack. They told her Phineas and Ferb was for boys, and she should have a princess backpack. I asked her who was saying that, and she said all the girls in her class except for her friend who had a monkey backpack. My heart broke. My first instinct was to talk to her teacher. Well, actually, my first instinct was go to her class before school and find those girls and tell them through gritted teeth that the needed to leave my daughter alone and their stupid Disney princess backpacks were ugly. Alas, I refrained.

Instead, I talked to Lydia about bullying and why girls do it. I helped her come up with something she could say back to them, which she has memorized. I talked to her about sticking up for her friend with the monkey backpack too. I hope that the girls forget about the backpacks and she doesn't have to worry about her comeback, but I'm also kind of looking forward to her asserting herself if they don't forget.