What NOT to Do After the Kids Are in Bed

A few nights ago as Jayson and I were starting to fall asleep, we both heard some rustling on the roof. In what is a great testament to both of our dispositions and imaginations, Jayson insisted some THING was on the roof or perhaps even in the house, and I told him it was probably just the wind. (Another great testament to our dispositions and imaginations was the first time Lydia ever slept through the night and Jayson woke me up and asked, "Should we go check on her?" and I, in my sleep-filled bliss, said, "Nah. If something happened, it's too late now." Yes, this man went on to have two more kids with me.) Anyway, back to the story. Jayson ended up going outside with a flashlight and came back to bed to tell me it was a raccoon, but it had ran away.

Cut to tonight. I was upstairs rocking Charlie as I gave her a bottle before bed and I heard the rustling again. After I got her down, I ran downstairs to tell Jayson the raccoon was back. He went outside to look around, and returned to tell me the raccoon was indeed on the roof again. We both looked at each other, trying to figure out what to do next. "You should shoot it with a BB gun. If we had one," I suggested. Jayson lovingly thanked me for the wonderful, oh-so-helpful suggestion. Then he disappeared to the garage. A few minutes later, he returned with two softballs and told me to get my shoes on and hold the flashlight for him.

So, we went in the back yard and I shined the flashlight on the raccoon and we watched it go over the roof to the front of the house. We ran around to the front, and I spotted the raccoon to the side of the roof. Then it just kind of bobbed down. "It's gone, but I don't think it went to the other side," I told Jayson. He grabbed the flashlight and walked to the side of the house and waved me over to see the tail of the raccoon hanging out the louver vent on the side of the house, right above Charlie's window. He pulled his arm back, preparing to throw the softball, and I offer him some more very helpful advice, "You better have good aim and don't hit the window." He hesitated for a minute as we watched the raccoon disappear into the roof and the flashlight caught its beady little eyes as it stared back from us from inside our house. While we stood in the snow outside in the dark and watched it. We looked at each other again. "Let's call an exterminator."